"Why are you harsher when it I ask for advice now?"
It’s called being honest. I’m sick and tired of being sugar coated when I ask for advice and I hate sugar coating when someone asks for my advice. If you don’t like hearing the truth, don’t ask me. I’m sorry, but it doesn’t help if I my way of making you feel better is by fabricating the truth. I want my way of making you feel better is make you see the truth.
"Be soft, kind and loving. But also take nobody’s shit."
To listen to stories about people with a terminal diseases makes me feel sad. Actually seeing people I know and care about go through it pains me. Two summers ago, I had to attend 3 funerals within two months and all of them were related to one another—my Lola, Lolo, and second cousin. Lola and Lolo died of old age and my Ate died of cancer. The Christmas of my freshman year, my aunt died of cancer. This summer, I’m visiting three people who all have reached stage four cancer. Two of them are friends. It amazes me how in a matter of a few months, their bodies are becoming skinnier and bruised with all of the needles and medication by the minute. I don’t even know how to react to all of this. What am I supposed to do? Pray? So my faith is not going so great right now, so what else can I do? My dad said when visiting someone whose life is limited to who knows how long, all we can do are pray and try to comfort them in any way possible. Whether it’s through storytelling, telling jokes, or even tending to any of their needs, that’s all we can do for now. I just hate that feeling that even doing all of that, I still leave the hospital feeling like it’s not good enough.
The topic of cancer is a somewhat bit of a touchy subject to bring up with others. If anything, I’m just very vague about my responses when asked to give one, but otherwise, I keep my mouth shut. It’s hard to talk about something I have to see people go through every year. I can’t even imagine if anyone in my immediate family were to be given the news. My heart just sinks every time we get another call about a friend or family member who has been diagnosed. I just…I just can’t…
My sister may not know this, but…
I hate that I’m so jealous of her. I want to say it’s not fair, but then I understand why. That’s what I hate even more.
She just graduated. She just had her cotillion. He hasn’t even entered middle school yet. He was only a child. They both had a bright future ahead of them. And just like that, two more angels were taken away too soon. Things never go wrong at the moment you expect them to. And as always, I end up asking myself, "Why do bad things happen to good people?"
May 16th// 11:08 pm
July 24th// 5:04 am
September 8th// 2:09 am
September 8th// 2:16 am
October 11th// 5:42 pm
November 29th// 8:06 am
December 12th// 9:16 am
January 15th// 4:06 pm
January 18th// 9:12 am
January 23rd// 8:47 pm
February 14th// 3:06 pm
February 24th// 12:09 am
April 8th// 4:06 am
-13 voicemails you left me (via dolenti)